


Blue Jays at Dawn

by Oikawa_Fanclub



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birds, Break Up, Car Accidents, Crying, Cute, DaiSuga Week, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy, Happy Ending, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Meet-Cute, Minor Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Minor Character Death, Minor Injuries, Minor Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Minor Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29726235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oikawa_Fanclub/pseuds/Oikawa_Fanclub
Summary: Dachi was never fond of birds. He found it annoying the way they chirped in the morning, how they pecked and flapped and ruffled their feathers like everything was right, oblivious to how the world suffered in front of them. He almost envied them, the ability to fly away and start over when things got hard while he was bound to the earth beneath his feet and the memories that lay with it.So it was a mystery, really, how he landed inside the Tokyo Aviary.////Daisuga fic about hope, love, and birds.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi & Sawamura Daichi, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru & Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka
Comments: 23
Kudos: 40
Collections: Finished Fanfics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! thank you for taking the time to read this! I'm incredibly excited to be sharing this journey with you, and I'm excited to let you know I will be updating this fic at least every week- I expect it to be five chapters- but who knows I may get carried away. AnYwaYs I hope you enjoy it!

Dachi was never fond of birds. He found it annoying the way they chirped in the morning, how they pecked and flapped and ruffled their feathers like everything was right, oblivious to how the world suffered in front of them. He almost envied them, the ability to fly away and start over when things got hard while he was bound to the earth beneath his feet and the memories that lay with it. 

So it was a mystery, really, how he landed inside the Tokyo Aviary. 

He’d die before he’d admit it, but Daichi was amazed. The huge caged dome was practically the size of a mansion, obviously made to be a sanctuary that let people marvel at the winged animals inside. It had two stories, but the second was just a bunch of suspended walkways so that people could walk among the birds in the higher parts of the trees. The clear walls housed the biggest plants Dachi had ever seen, and he boggled at them as he weaved in between families and running kids. He reached out to touch a _Colocasia_ \- as the info card read- and let the smooth leaves run along the pads of his fingers. It really was a beautiful sight.

He looked up briefly, for his eyes to catch a red blur. He followed the blur with his head, and it stopped and rested on a high branch on one of the trees. Daichi’s breath catches his throat, startled by the beauty he finds in the bright crimson of the feathers, it’s black rectrices and wings. It reminded Dachi of his roommate Asahi, who had been struggling to come up with a new outfit for his fashion show- maybe Asahi could find some inspiration with this creature. Still enamoured, he reaches for his phone to try and capture its magnificence. The bird seemingly poses for him, turning to the side- and then it flies away. Despite his best efforts, Daichi finds a smile playing at his lips. 

_Playing hard to get, huh? Two can play that game._

Dachi quickly follows the bird while staying on the roped path as much as he could. He held his phone up, jogging and snapping, hoping for a good picture. The bird stops and rests on a branch and ruffles its feathers, and Dachi catches his breath. _Finally._ He holds his phone up to take the picture when he hears the staff door behind the bird open. He glances at the door, thumb hovering above the camera button, turning his attention quickly back to the bird- but it vanished. Dachi almost screamed. He was furious, about to send 100 daggers in glares to the staff member who opened the door, but all his rage dropped when he saw the employee.

He had round and soft eyes, fair skin and hair that was a unique shade of silver. His jaw was pronounced, but the edges were soft, and his cheeks were a natural pink. When he noticed someone watching him, the employee’s caramel eyes met with Dachi’s and he almost dropped his jaw. Now fully facing him, Dachi could see a little mole that was under his left eye. He was _beautiful._

“Do you need anything?” The employee asked. Devoid of any knowledge on how to react, Daichi just nodded. Wrong move. Angel face put down whatever he was doing and walked over. _Shit._

“How can I help you?” He asked softly, a smile crinkling the edges of his eyes. Daichi stood there in a stupidor, unable to formulate an answer for the gorgeous man in front of him. The employee gave him a perplexed look. _Dachi, do something!_

“I- uh-” Dachi scrambled for a question, and suddenly a lightbulb popped in his head. He gives a sheepish smile. “That red bird, um, what’s the name of it?” 

The employee laughed and Daichi should have felt offended, but he only felt disarmed by the stranger’s odd charm. “There's plenty of red birds here, you’re going to have to describe better than that.” 

Daichi internally face palmed. “I mean, it was kinda fat, and small. It was more bright crimson than anything, and it had a black tail and black wings.”

The man’s face softened in recognition. “Ah yes, he’s the beauty of our sanctuary. His name is Kiko. He’s an Scarlet Tanager, and will be released next month.”

Daichi nodded. Desperate to keep conversation, he asks, “Why is he being released?”

The employee smiles fondly. “They’re not native to Japan, and even if they were, we would still set them free. This is a place for birds to heal and recover while we collect data, so we can get them back into the wild as soon as possible. That’s why I love this place.”

Dachi saw fireworks in his eyes while he talked about the bird sanctuary. It was amazing. He doesn’t think he could ever see birds and nature in the same way this man does- with the same childish admiration. He smiles.

“That’s good.” Is all he can think of to say and he wanted to kick himself in the nuts. 

“Oh sorry, did I ramble? I tend to do that.” the employee blushed, and Daichi panics.

“No, no, no, you are totally, completely fine!” Daichi blurted, and the man laughed.

“Alright then. If you have no more questions, I’ve got to take some bird samples.” The staff member scrunched his nose and Dachi pieced together what _bird samples_ meant. He cringes. 

The man turns around, about to walk away, but Dachi couldn’t just let him go. Not when he just saw the most beautiful person he’s ever seen- he had to at least know his name. Maybe some smooth, suave, pick up line to let the employee know Daichi’s interest. _Yeah._ He opens his mouth and calls: 

“Who are you?” Dachi made a mental note to have Asahi kill him when he got home.

The employee gives him an amused look. “Sugawara Koushi, I’m the main director and ornithologist here.”

Koushi. Dachi’s heat pounds.

“Sawamura Daichi, but you can call me Daichi. I’m.. uh.. just visiting.” Dachi now had the strong urge to forgo Asahi killing him and just jump off a bridge himself. 

Sugawara laughs as he walks away, and Dachi hears bells. He wants to melt.

\----

“So why were you at the bird sanctuary again?” Asahi asked, hunched over his sketches for a new design. Daichi had sent him the pictures from earlier, but they were all horrible, so Daichi just told him to look up “Scarlet Tanager” on the internet.

“I don’t even know. I don’t even like birds, but my shift at the station was over and I thought I’d wander around, like Kiyoko-san recommended. I ended up at the Aviary and somehow I met the prettiest guy i've ever seen.” Daichi stood in the doorway of Asahi’s office, which was really his bedroom in their shared apartment space, and sighs.

“You gay ass mess!” Nishinoya, Asahi’s energetic boyfriend, pipes up from the couch behind him. Dachi blinks, and Nishi’s now at his side, teasing him about the apparent homosexual wreck he is. He doesn’t even know how Asahi deals with him. Daichi would have dropped Nishinoya’s body in a lake by now. 

“You know you’re gay too, right?” He shoves Nishi off him and the smaller whines. Nishi zips over to Asahi, demanding attention from the huge man. It was almost comical, the size difference between them. It looked like Asahi could swallow Nishi whole, yet Nishi was the one ready to devour his boyfriend. He jumps onto Asahi’s lap, making Asahi resign from his sketch and hold his tiny ball of energy.

“I’m bisexual! Plus, when’s the last time you got any action?” Nishinoya chirped, and stroked his boyfriend's chest to prove his point. Daichi shook his head and put on a stern look. He was not going to dignify that with an answer.

“Yuu’s right you know,” Asahi’s light voice fills the room, letting his arm’s drape over Nishi’s waist. “When’s the last time you had fun, or took time for yourself? Maybe this is a good thing, Dai, I can’t remember the last time you had a crush.”

“It’s not a crush, Azumane.” Daichi’s face heated up, a telltale sign of lying, but he kept his glare on Asahi. The latter seemed to shrink, and looked around the room. 

“I’m just saying.” Asahi buried his face into Nishinoya’s shoulder. For such a drastic difference in- well, _everything_ \- they were really cute together.

“I think you should go there again, and probably prepare a pickup line or something.” Nishi giggled when Asahi’s nose nuzzled his neck. Daichi wanted to hurl.

It was so odd how they could be so domestic when one of them was feral 99.9% of the time.  
Daichi flopped on the couch. He was too single for this shit.

\------

Despite his best efforts, he could not keep Sugawara out of his thoughts. He tossed and turned, thinking about honeyed voices and pink lips. When sleep finally came, he had an intricate dream that involved him, Sugawara, and blue jays. He couldn’t figure out how or why the blue jays were in his dream, but it didn’t really matter when Sugawara was holding his hand and kissing the scars on his knuckles. 

It was the first time in a while that Daichi hadn’t had a nightmare.

\------

The next day, he found himself walking toward the Tokyo Aviary after his shift, again, but with a newfound bounce in his step. Nishi had teased him about his eagerness to get to work- Daichi hadn’t been this excited in a long time.

Once he got inside, though, he just stood there. He had absolutely no idea what he was going to do. He didn’t even know if Sugawara worked today. He raked his brain, cursing himself for not thinking this through. While lost in thought, the red bird from yesterday flitted in front of his eyes, and Daichi followed his flight. 

“Kiko,” he whispered, and his lips cracked into a smile. The bird, almost knowingly, chirped, and flew off to another branch. Daichi trailed after Kiko, branch by branch, thinking that if Kiko led him to Sugawara before- he could do it again. It was stupid to bank all this on a bird, but he let himself wonder for once.

So focused on trailing the bird, he almost didn’t feel the collision that sent him to the floor. He looked up, ready to tell the opposite face “sorry”, when he met those caramel eyes again. He immediately heated up.

“God! I’m so sorry, oh god, I’m a klutz!” He jumped up and extended his hand to Sugawara, who just looked at him amusedly. Daichi always liked to think he was cool under pressure, but something about Sugawara just made him unravel. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

“It’s alright, Daichi,” Sugawara assured, and Daichi flushed hard at the way Suga spoke his given name. Well, everyone calls him by his given name, but somehow this was different. 

_Play it cool, Sawamura._

“How has your day been, Sugawara?” He questions sheepishly. Sugawara gives him a tight smile and sighs.

“Please, call me Suga. It’s been stressful, running samples and such. Birds are peaceful but they can also be a hassle.”

Daichi nodded, unsure of what to do with himself. Having no knowledge of birds, he really couldn’t keep the conversation long. His mind scrambles for a talking point. He awkwardly played with his hands, avoiding Suga’s confused gaze. The tension was almost palpable between them- Suga must've sensed this, because his smile gets tighter and moves around him.

“Now if you excuse me Daichi, I have to go attend to these pesky birds.” He chuckles, and Daichi whipped around. He had formulated an idea, crappy although the best he could come up with.

“I can trail you, if you want.” 

“What?”

“I mean, it must be tiring doing all the bird sample stuff alone?” it comes out more of a question, and Daichi wants to cry.

“I’m not alone, I have other people in my lab doing the exact same thing.” Suga’s amused, lazy smile returns and Daichi relaxes. _That grin,_ he thinks, _It’s refreshing._

“That’s not what I meant. I mean, I can accompany you while you do your tasks. Though I totally get it if you want me to leave and think I’m a creep.” 

Suga snorts, and the sound startles Daichi. Suga looked to be all polite and manners, so hearing such an unsavory noise from him was a surprise Daichi fully welcomed. It only added to the man’s charm.

“Well then, lets be on our way, the birds can’t research themselves!” Suga starts, and Daichi takes the cue to follow.

\-----

Suga leads Daichi behind a big red door with an _Employees Only_ sign, and he has to bite down a smile. He felt like he was a teen again, breaking all the rules. 

Suga shows Daichi everything he knows about his work place and the animals that inhabit it. He shows Daichi the labs in which he works, analyzing feathers and feces, collecting data to be presented to and studied by ornithologists all over the world. He watches carefully as Suga preaches about the dangers of plastic and pollution on birds, shows his office where he’s got the world's rarest bird species listed and crossed off on his board. “I’ve seen most of the birds on this list. I only have a few more to go!” Daichi laughs and the excitement in Suga’s eyes as he goes on about the places he’ll need to go to see them. He lets Daichi watch him feed some of the birds, even letting Daichi do it a few times.

He introduces Daichi to his roommate and coworker Oikawa Tooru, who liked to tease Daichi at every opening he got while judging him with intense eyes. _He’d get along with Noya swimmingly,_ Daichi thinks.

“Suga-chan, are you sure you’re allowed to bring unauthorized guests back here?”

“Hey, what Admin doesn’t know won’t hurt them.”

The brunette huffed and mumbled something incoherent, turning back to his work.

Suga rolls his eyes, ruffling Oikawa’s hair. He leads Daichi away from the office and down the corridor, laughing at the indignant squawking of the man they left behind.

They turn a corner and run into a square shouldered security guard with a stoney expression. Suga freezes and Daichi follows suit, staring at Suga for guidance.

“Heeey, Aone!” Suga starts out, his eyes trying to seek out an exit from around the solid build of the guard. “How has your day been?”

Aone grunts, points at Daichi. Daichi stiffens, and prays that this guy doesn’t break him in half. Suga steps between them and laughs nervously.

“Oh, this guy? Yeah… he’s new, I’m just showing him around!”

Aone blinks, then his finger turns into a flat palm. Suga’s eyes widen, and Daichi silently panics.

“Oh, he doesn't have a badge yet, sorry Aone-” Suga’s cut off by Aone leaning into his face. He says nothing, but his eyes slide to indicate that he wants Suga to move. Suga laughs again, and looks down at an invisible watch. “Oh look, what time it is. Daichi and I have to go, so...”

Suga trails off, and starts to turn, but is stopped by a firm grip on his shoulder. When Aone speaks, it almost startles Daichi how quiet he is. That didn’t make his voice any less intimidating. 

“I don’t know a ‘Daichi’.” He states simply. “Unauthorized persons are not allowed back here, you could get in trouble for this.”

Suga smiles. “That’s funny, that’s the same thing Oikawa said. Speaking of him, there he is! Hey Oikawa!” 

Suga turns his head back to the corner they just came from. Aone dropped his hand from Suga’s shoulder and craned his neck. Daichi did the same, seeking out signature brown hair.  
He didn’t really get the chance to actually see him, though, because Suga grabbed his arm and sprinted the other direction. It was a blur, the world around him, the only thing he could focus on was the rhythmic thump of his feet and the laughing man infront of him. They reach the side exit, breaking out into the open Autumn air. Cool wind threads through Daichi’s hair, sprinting away and only stopping when Suga drops his body against the side of the building. He's laughing harder now, hysterically, and Daichi’s afraid that he’ll lose all the breath in his lungs. 

“Oh god, that was close.” Suga coughs, and Daichi bursts into giggles again. 

“Oikawa wasn’t actually coming, was he?” 

Suga shakes his head and they both erupt into laughter once more, clutching sides and wheezing. 

“Will you get in trouble? That Aone guy didn’t seem like he was playing around.”

“It’s fine, Aone’s used to my bullshit but he knows it’s all in good fun, so he won’t tattle.” Suga sighs and Daichi slides down beside him. 

“I haven’t done that in such a long time.” Suga muses, turning to Daichi.

“You’ve done this before?”

“Once, yeah. It was wild- Aone chased us throughout the entire building.” The smile softens on Suga’s face as he reminisces.

“Us?” Daichi questions, curiosity getting the better of him. Suga shook his head, a sad glint in his eye.

“Nothing. You should probably go home, though, before I go inside- Aone may let me off but I can’t say the same for you.” Suga chuckles again but the sad glint doesn’t go away.

Daichi gets up, and dusts himself off. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Suga.” He says, and wonders if he’s being too forward. He figures it’s okay though because Suga’s smile gets a little brighter, and the glint in his eye turns pleased. 

Daichi walks around towards the parking lot, smiling to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Suga, what are those?” Daichi pointed to the bridge, Suga following his finger to the animals that rested on the railings. Suga’s face brightened immediately, and Daichi let out a relieved sigh. Suga scrunched his face in concentration, registering the birds and surely searching for the name of the species in the bird encyclopedia he called his brain. Daichi swore he saw a lightbulb pop over his head when Suga found what he was looking for, and turned to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I literally just posted the first chap yesterday, lol, If I continue at this rate I'll get this fic done in less than a week, yay!!! much love <3

“Whpssshhhh!”

“Nishi, If you don’t stop making that sound, I’ll strangle you.”  
Noya just cackled, poking Daichi’s cheek and scampering away before Daichi could claw at him. The morning sun had come and with it was a guy ready to trek off to work. Of course, he couldn’t get one foot out the door before Noya bothered him.

“I’m not the one who’s been visiting Koushi everyday!” Noya exclaimed from his retreat behind the couch. Dachi regrets telling Noya his recent friend's name. “You’re whipped, my man!”

“Where’s Asahi when you need him.” Daichi grumbled. It’s true, Daichi had been going out to see Suga every day since their initial encounter. It’s been a month, now, and Daichi had finally built up the courage to store two movie tickets in his bag as a surprise. 

“Let the poor guy off, Yuu,” Asahi says, right on cue, sauntering out the bathroom door in a hoodie and sweats. It was weird, seeing his fashion designer friend in something so casual. Noya climbed on him like a squirrel scaling a tree, but Asahi just continued walking like it was their everyday routine. It probably was.

“How have your dreams been?” Asahi asked tentatively, sneaking an arm around his back to support the small man nestled there. 

Daichi sighed, a content smile on his face. He feels light, lighter than he had in months. The nightmares had been few and far between, now replaced with the image of a smiling Suga and his tinkling voice. He was relieved, for the most part. The nightmares that tormented him for so long were finally starting to leave. Kiyoko-san would be proud. Guilt still clouded his mind though- for reasons he couldn’t seem to pinpoint. 

“They’ve been much better.” Daichi hoists his bag further up his shoulders and steps out of the apartment.

\------

Daichi steps into the aviary, now familiar with its high ceiling and spacious insides. He humors himself by waving to the birds he recognises, them becoming as much a friend as Suga had. He spots Kiko, ruffling his feathers regally, and smiles as the bird spys him and flits away.

As he makes his way towards the back, he spots Oikawa. The two had become more familiar through Suga, and Daichi honestly enjoyed his company more than he thought. He walked over to where the man was bent over some leaves.

“Hey, Oikawa,” Daichi starts, and Oikawa yelps. Daichi swallows a laugh as Oikawa tries to collect his startled self.

“You can’t just sneak up on people like that, Dai-chan.” Oikawa huffs and turns back to tend to the plant. 

“Sorry about that. Have you seen Suga anywhere?”

“How funny, I saw him just this morning.” 

Daichi rolled his eyes. He was well used to Oikawa’s evasiveness and reluctance to reveal Suga’s location. For anyone else, it would seem like he was jealous of them spending time together, and that’s what Daichi had thought when they had met. But now, it almost seems protective. He doesn’t press the matter, though.

“I mean outside of you two’s apartment, hopefully at work?” 

“Yeah, yeah. He’s in the back, I can get him for you. Aone’s not gonna be happy if you sneak in again.”

Daichi laughed at that. Daichi had found himself slipping past the _Employee’s Only_ sign more than once, with the help of Suga and sometimes even Oikawa. Most of the times had been successful, but Aone caught him two days ago, and now he has heightened his awareness of the area- making it much too risky for Daichi. 

Oikawa straightens out, stretching his long limbs and strutting over to the red door. Oikawa was a strangely kind, oddly attractive, almost elusive figure. Daichi figured he’d be an asshole above all assholes- but he wasn’t really that bad once you got on his good side- and Daichi liked to think that he was. 

Oikawa comes back, minutes later, gray haired beauty in tow. Suga whispered something to him, making him giggle, and suddenly Daichi felt self conscious. He swayed his body nervously, watching as the two, _probably the most attractive pair of friends in Japan,_ approached him.

“Hey Suga.” He greets when the two stop in front of him. “Can we talk?” 

Oikawa rolled his eyes and shooed Suga off, complaining about how Daichi and Suga were going to make him lose his job. Suga smiled and grabbed Daichi’s wrist, leading him to the corner of the aviary where they had better privacy behind the trees. 

“Hey Daichi,” Suga says, brushing a huge leaf out of his face. His fair skin nicely contrasted the dark pigment of the leaf, and Daichi wanted to brush away the stray hairs that were covering his pretty mole. “What’s up?”

Daichi bites his lip, reaching into his bag and unzipping it. “I was wondering- do you want to go out to see a movie with me?” 

Suga freezes, observing Daichi with wide eyes. Daichi faintly wonders if he did something wrong. Sure it would be the first time they saw each other outside of the aviary, but he thought that was a good thing. _“Taking the next step”_ as Asahi put it.

Daichi takes out the tickets, and holds it out to Suga. “I figured you’d like dramatic romcoms, right?” Suga drops his eyes from Daichi to the tickets, a small smile capturing his face when he reads the movie title. 

“Like a date?” Suga asks, in the smallest voice Daichi has ever heard from him.

“No- I mean, only if you want it to be?” Daichi asks, trying to see why those caramel eyes looked so somber.

“I’d love to go.” Suga spoke, tentative and sheltered. Daichi was conflicted. He felt excited, elated that Suga accepted- but that look made him hesitant to show his happiness. 

“If you don’t actually want to, that's totally okay, I understand.” Daichi amends, ignoring the clench of his heart. 

“No! Daichi I want to go, really! Thank you.” Suga’s bright smile returned with alarming speed- but this one seemed genuine so Daichi beamed back. 

“Great! I’ll see you Saturday!” Daichi blurted, letting himself feel relieved and ecstatic. Suga snorted when Daichi whooped and punched his fists in the air, childish and silly. It’s how Suga made him feel, like he was a child again, instead of a 26 year old forensic scientist who was stressed out half the time.

A sharp impact on his side left Daichi groaning in pain and Suga cackling above him. Once again, he’s surprised by Suga’s true nature in contrast to his looks- he should really stop underestimating him. “Don't be embarrassing,” Suga choked out between laughs. “It’s too cute for me to handle.”

Suddenly, the heat in Daichi’s cheeks greatly outmatched the pain in his abdomen. 

\--------

Saturday came too slowly, and when it finally did come, Daichi’s stomach was churning with anxiety. He hurriedly tried to rush out of the Tokyo Police Station (which unfortunately required him to work on the weekend, crimes never stopped for anyone), but of course before he could walk out, his forensic science partner stopped him at the door. 

“Where ya going, Sawamura? You seem so eager all of a sudden.”

“Fuck off, Kuroo, it’s none of your buiness.”

The black haired man gave an amused chuckle. “Oh, so a date then? Jeez, how long has it been since you’ve had one of those?” 

Daichi frowned. _Why did everyone keep asking him that? Has it really been that long since he’s been on a date?_ Kuroo seemed to pick up on this and gave a sly smile. “Sawamura, the last guy you dated was in our senior year of college.” 

Daichi shuddered at the mention of his last boyfriend from five years ago, Terushima. It didn’t end well. Kuroo did his signature ugly hyena laugh at his reaction, the bastard. 

Kuroo’s expression softened, just a little, and Daichi raised his guard. It was rare for Kuroo to show open sympathy, so he braced for the worst.

“I know it’s been a while since… the accident.” Kuroo looked at him apprehensively, and Daichi refused to meet his eye. He grit his teeth and his heart clenched at the mention of his past. “But I haven’t seen you this excited in a long time. I’m glad you stopped beating yourself up so bad. You deserve happiness. I’m happy for you, Sawamura.”

Daichi refused to meet his eye, uncomfortable with the change in subject. Kuroo always knew what to say, but he always had horrible timing. He knew Kuroo was just being a good friend- but he desperately wanted to get away from the topic. Kuroo thankfully noticed this and put a smug look on his face that ironically, Daichi was grateful for. 

He leaned over Daichi, letting his full height be known. 

“Have fun on your date, loverboy.” Kuroo purred, and Daichi gave him a weak punch to his arm, a soft _thank you for caring._ Kuroo smiled and sent Daichi off with a rather hard shove to his back.

\-------

Daichi runs off to the Aviary, his conversation with Kuroo making him run a little behind. He walks into the clear building, starting at the leaves that never failed to catch his attention.

He makes his way through, staying on the path making a beeline to the _Employee’s Only_ sign that he’s seen so much in the past month. It was weird how much his life changed all because of this stupid aviary. _He doesn’t even like birds._ He laughed at the thought, thinking of Kiko, who he had reluctantly grown fond of every time he saw him. 

Suga pushes right past the door, urgent, completely missing Daichi who was leaning right beside it. He briskly walked towards the front of the aviary, Daichi laughing at his focused oblivion as he jogged to catch up. He gently touched Suga’s shoulder and he cried out in surprise, only to whack Daichi in the side for his barking laughter at his distress. 

“God, you gave me a heart attack!” Suga whined, and Daichi composed himself while clutching his side.

“Maybe I shouldn’t do that anymore, if it comes at the expense of my ribs.” Daichi chuckles, then groans when Suga lightly bumps into his side. 

“Sorry, but you definitely deserved that.”

“Touche,” Daichi relented, and they walked side by side out of the building to take a train to the theatre.

\-----

They walk into the movie theater, grinning like little kids with sweat plastered on their foreheads. It had been Suga’s idea to race from the train station, and Daichi couldn’t say no to the challenge. Or Suga. 

_“Whpppshhhh! Whipped!” Noya’s voice sang._

He scowled at the tiny Nishinoya in his head. One of them was already enough.

He and Suga took their seats in the back row, hands full of popcorn and candy that Daichi hadn’t let himself indulge in in a while. He liked having a strict diet and schedule, but he always seemed to be going off script with Suga- not that he minded. 

“You ready?” Suga leaned over and whispered in his ear, and Daichi shivered from the proximity. He prayed the theater was dark enough to hide his crimson cheeks. He turned to look at Suga, how he looked illuminated in the screen lights, face scrunching in excitement. He was close enough to his face to feel Suga’s puffs of mint-scented breaths, and his eyes lingered on Suga’s mole. Daichi had the unbearable urge to touch it. 

“You bet!”

\-----

The movie was horrible. The acting was awful, the script was awkward, and the plot was just downright shit. 

Suga _loved_ it. 

“Did you see that, Daichi? The way he held her hand after that scene? They’re totally perfect for eachother.” Suga sighed, wiping a stray tear from when he was sobbing ten minutes ago. 

Daichi couldn’t believe it. That movie was probably the worst thing he’s seen all year, and he almost fell asleep multiple times. Suga, of course, wouldn’t let that happen, no matter how many times he pleaded with Suga to let him slumber through that nightmare.

“You mean did I see the forced smile he gave and the way he awkwardly intertwined their hands and said the cheesiest line that single handedly made me lactose intolerant? Because yeah, I did.”

“Oh, don’t be such a sourpuss. Live a little.” Suga laughed, skipping ahead while Daichi sighed. They were now in the plaza outside where the theater was located, heading towards the large fountain in the middle of the square. Daichi zipped up his coat and looked back at Suga, who stopped at the fountain and was tightening his red scarf around his puffed, red cheeks. Daichi laughed at how childish he looked- it was cute. 

“I never pegged you for the hopeless romantic type.” Daichi started, and Suga turned around.

“Oh, I’m not, I just like to see perfect relationships play out on TV, you know? It’s kind of comforting to see someone else’s life work out so perfectly, having something you can never have.”

That solem look claimed Suga’s face again, the same one from when Daichi asked him to the movies and when they ran away from Aone. 

“What do you mean by that?” Daichi asked, prompting Suga to open up- he was eager to know more about the beauty before him. Suga just stood still, though, guarded. 

_Great, we took a step in the opposite direction. Good going, Daichi._

“I’m sorry for being so quiet about it,” Suga smiled, and Daichi winced at the plasticity of it. “I’d just rather not ruin my mood.” 

Daichi understood. Some conversations didn’t need to be had right away. He thinks he can trust him to say it when the time is right- just like himself, who is still debating on telling Suga his past. He figures that could wait. He has plenty of time with Suga, and after all, they aren't even dating.

But the damage was already done, and an awkward silence settled over the two. Daichi looked around, scanning for a talking point that could eliminate the somber look in Suga’s eyes. He found it when his eyes spotted a bridge, 50 feet from where they were standing, over a small river that crossed over into a neighboring plaza. On the railings, there was a group of small, blue and yellow-bellied birds. He tapped Suga’s shoulder.

“Hey Suga, what are those?” Daichi pointed to the bridge, Suga following his finger to the animals that rested on the railings. Suga’s face brightened immediately, and Daichi let out a relieved sigh. Suga scrunched his face in concentration, registering the birds and surely searching for the name of the species in the bird encyclopedia he called his brain. Daichi swore he saw a lightbulb pop over his head when Suga found what he was looking for, and turned to him. 

“They're _Alcedo atthis,_ or Common Kingfisher! They’re really similar in look when it comes to gender- but did you know that a male as a black bottom beak while a female has red?” 

Daichi smiled fondly as Suga spewed facts about Kingfishers, getting lost in his excitement and completely forgetting about what made him so sad earlier. Daichi thought that child-like fascination was a much better look on him. Daichi patiently listened, taking the opportunity to admire Suga for everything he is. 

Suga stopped abruptly, noticing Daichi’s stare. “Sorry, did I rant? I know it’s annoying.”

Daichi snapped out of his trance, and focused on Suga’s frown. “What? Of course not. I love it when you do that, it’s incredibly endearing.” _And cute_ , but he forgo saying that thought. 

“Tell me one thing you learned while listening to me, then.” Suga quizzed, unimpressed. 

Without hesitating, Daichi answered: “Kingfishers have a hard beak like a dagger used for spearing fish.”

Suga’s eyes widened in genuine surprise, tilting his head curiously. Daichi didn’t understand. He had just simply been paying attention, he didn’t know why that deserved Suga’s shock. 

“No one has ever listened to me before…” Suga drifted off, a small charmed smile on his lips. “Thank you.”

Daichi smiled, trying to hold back his excitement from getting Suga to open up. This was definitely a point for him. “Don’t thank me for being a decent human being.” 

Suga snorted, and suddenly, he bolted, dashing straight for the birds. Daichi watched, as they swirled and flew away in a panic as the strange figure rushed them. It reminded Daichi of a scene straight of a Disney princess movie, except a lot less graceful, and he laughed. 

“C’mon Daichi!” Suga yells as he runs to the middle of the bridge and stops, cackling. 

The entire group of Kingfishers flocked into the sky as Suga watched them in awe and earnest. Daichi stood next to him on the bridge, closer than what would be considered friendly, giving Suga an opportunity to back away if he wanted. He didn’t. 

“Birds are my favorite animals.” Suga’s eyes sparkled but Daichi couldn’t help but laugh at the statement.

“Oh really? I couldn’t guess.” Daichi deadpanned which earned him a punch from Suga. 

“Shut up. It comforts me knowing that no matter how bad things get, they can always just fly away.”

“So you admire them for being cowards?”

“No, silly, I admire them for being free, not bound to anything but their own wings.”

“That’s oddly poetic of you,” Daichi laughed, “I bet you also believe hope is all you need or something.” Suga raised an arm to chop at him again. 

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t believe in the idea of hope.”

“What? Are you crazy? Hope is natural, so you’ve definitely felt it before.” Suga gawked at him like he had three heads.

“So? I've hoped for a lot of things, Suga. I've just learned that it’s completely useless if things never go your way.” Daichi’s heart stung when he thought about it, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Neither hope or luck have never been on his side, so he just accepted that it just wasn’t a thing- at least for him. Suga must have sensed this, because he gave Daichi an empathetic look.

“I’ve hoped for a lot of things too. I know how you feel.” Suga looks down at his left ring finger, and Daichi follows the motion. It’s bare. His eyes flit back up, just in time to catch the devastated glint in Suga’s eyes. “I’m no stranger to the abandonment of hope, but I just like to be an optimist is all. I really do believe better things are coming.”

They stand there in silence, reminiscing of their own experiences with hope and despair.

“Lady Luck is an asshole.” Daichi says, trying to sway the mood and get his mind off of topics he’d rather avoid. Suga barks out a laugh, and Daichi brightens.

“She sure is.” Suga gives him a loose smile, and Daichi involuntarily leans closer. Suga doesn’t say anything or move, so he takes it as a green light. He watched as Suga’s face filled up his entire vision, until all he saw were those light brown eyes and soft pink lips. Suga lets out a soft breath that tickles Daichi’s upper lip. He settles their foreheads against each other, eyeing that mole that he loves so much. Daichi closes his eyes, tilts his head-

“I’m sorry Daichi, I can't.” Suga pulls away, eyes apologetic but stern. Daichi wonders once again if it was anything he had done. The last thing he wanted was to make Suga uncomfortable. 

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?” Daichi questioned, a little heartbroken at Suga’s decision. 

“No, I’m fine, it’s just- I’m just- I’m not ready.” Suga choked out, and he looked close to crying. Daichi tried to reach for him, but Suga flinched. “Please give me some space, I need- I’ve got to figure this out.”

Daichi has never been more confused. Figure out what? What was it? Did Daichi scare him? Offend him? Would they still be friends after this? God, Daichi hoped so. Suga had been his source of happiness and relief, the one person who made him completely forget about his past, his nightmares, and all of the things that happened.

But Daichi didn’t press. He couldn't let Suga slip away more than he already was.

“Can we still be friends?” Daichi asked, tentatively. He played with his hands, trying not to come off as desperate but failing miserably.

“I- I don't know.”

Daichi’s heart shattered. “Why?”

“Because I don’t know if I can think of you as a friend anymore, and I’m just not ready for that.” Is all Suga says before he runs away from the bridge, leaving Daichi to deal with the bile that rose in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated <3 muah


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you mind telling me? About your ex, I mean.” Daichi asked tentatively, giving Suga an out, but he really wanted to know what was going on. 
> 
> “Oh, that bastard? Sure.” Suga starts, sitting up on the couch like he was about to tell the most interesting story ever heard. And interesting, it was.

That night, the nightmares came back full force. 

It started off slow, pleasant, just him, Asahi, Noya, Oikawa and Suga all hanging out. Daichi was pleased they all got along- but he couldn’t speak. His mouth went dry whenever he tried to do so, but he was happy.

Then Oikawa started yelling. He screamed something Daichi couldn’t hear, and started running. Noya chased him, and then they disappeared. Daichi was bewildered, and wanted to search for them. But he couldn’t voice his concern and Suga and Asahi looked like they could care less. He reaches for Asahi, sure he would help, but Asahi turns his back and dissipates into the air. Daichi’s breathing gets more erratic, as he tries to figure out what’s happening to the people he loves. He looks back at Suga, the only one left. Suga was smiling, but there was blood pouring out the side of his head. Daichi screamed silently, running towards Suga but never quite reaching him. He stuck out his hand- and the scene changed. He was now in front of a car he recognized as his own, smashed against a tree. He knows this part, no matter what his nightmares had begun with, this had always been the ending. He doesn’t want to, he knows what will be there, but a force makes his legs take tentative strides towards the car. He walks around to the window, expecting to see the twisted, bloody face of his mother. Instead, he sees the twisted, bloody face of Suga. 

Daichi _howls,_ and this time he can hear it.

\--------  
“Asahi-san told me you had another one of your bad nightmares. Are you alright, Daichi-san? How are you feeling?” Kiyoko asked, eyebrows etched in concern.

“Yeah I’m fine, I just-” Daichi sighed and stared at the coffee cup nestled between his hands. “I met someone, and they left, it really hurt and confused me.” Daichi shifted in his seat, letting the cafe music fill the space between his ears, trying to get his mind off his horrid dream.

“Was your mother in this one, this time?”

“No, instead it was the boy I met.” Daichi felt that unmistakable guilt rise again, and he squeezed his coffee cup.

“Well, glass half full, you’re finally starting to forgive yourself- If I'm interpreting correctly. You haven’t had a dream about her in a month, have you?” Kiyoko touched his hand, and Daichi flinched, but she kept it there. He stroked her thumb over the back of his hand, and Daichi took deep breaths.

“I’m proud of you, Daichi-san. You’ve come far.” Kiyoko pulls back, and Daichi looks up.

“What if I don't want to forgive myself?”

“What?”

“Kiyoko-san, I still feel this guilt, that's been trapped inside me ever since my mother. I feel guilty for her, and I feel guilty for wanting to move on. Am I a bad person?”

Daichi feels the tears sting on the edge of his eyes, and his breath starts to become fits. Kiyoko comes around the table, resting her head on Daichi’s shoulder and wrapping her arms around him.

“You can’t blame yourself. It had nothing to do with you. You love your mother dearly, and I understand that, but please consider that your mother would not want to see you like this five years after what happened. I’m not saying forget, I’m saying forgive.”

Daichi slowly nods, letting Kiyoko give him comfort. He thinks he’s ready to forgive himself- but the closest he’s gotten to that was with Suga. The scene from last night still played in his mind, the broken look in Suga’s eyes, how Suga told him to get away. It still stung. Daichi knew he needed to make amends if he ever wanted to move forward.

“Thank you, Kiyoko-san. I know this session was impromptu, but I'll surely pay for your trouble.”

“Daichi-san, don’t. I no longer consider you my client, but my friend. I’ll be there anytime you need it.”

“I appreciate you.” Daichi says sincerely, and Kiyoko pulls away with a soft smile playing at her lips. He gets up, situates his bag on his shoulder, and grabs his cup.

“Tell Yachi I said hi and I can’t wait for you two’s wedding!” He calls back to his therapist, then walks out the pleasant doors of the cafe to walk down to the Aviary.

\----------

He enters the Aviary with nerves he hasn’t felt since the first time he got here. He walks through the winding path, going down the very familiar route- but it almost seems strange to him now. He looks around for Kiko among the trees, but doesn’t spot him. Fat chance, but it would have been a nice comfort to see his favorite bird. He nears the back, and the _Employees Only_ sign, and waits. Suga would have to come in or out sooner or later. 

Almost on cue, the door swung open and Daichi perked up. Instead of Suga, though, it was Oikawa.

“Hey! Oikawa!”

The brunette turned to him and his eyes flashed with a menacing rage. Daichi wished that he hadn’t called out for him. Saying nothing, Oikawa grabbed his arm and dragged him to the secluded spot behind the trees, where he had asked Suga to the movies.

“What the fuck did you do to Suga yesterday?” Oikawa seethed, barely controlling his anger. Daichi was bewildered.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, asshole. Why did you make him cry?”

_I made him cry?_

“I sincerely don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Oikawa’s anger flashed over his face, and then it dissipated, hopefully because he realized Daichi was telling the truth. He didn’t have a clue as to what was going on. 

“What did you talk about yesterday?” Oikawa crossed his arms, still carrying that menacing look. Daichi cowered.

“I-I don’t know, there were birds, I asked him to name them, and then we talked about hope and stupid things like that, and then I tried to kiss him-”

“You tried to kiss him?” Oikawa’s voice rose, but it was more surprise than anger. 

“Yeah, but he pulled away, saying he wasn’t ready. Do you know why?”

“Atsumu.” Oikawa mumbled, and Daichi’s face contorted in confusion. Atsumu? Who was that? “He never told you about Atsumu?”

Daichi shook his head. “Where can I find him? I need to apologize.”

“Damn right you do. He’s at the apartment sulking right now.” Oikawa took out a notepad from his pocket, scribbled out an address, and passed it back to Daichi. “If you hurt him anymore, I swear to the highest power I will rip out your insides and shove them down your throat.”

Daichi wanted to laugh but the chuckle got caught in his throat at Oikawa’s intense piercing gaze. He was being completely serious. Daichi believed him.

\---------

Suga’s apartment was located a convenient 10 minutes from the Aviary by walking, and it was a large, pleasant brick building with potted plants hanging out of some window sills. Daichi marched up the building stairs, to apartment D12, where he would supposedly find Suga.

He gets to the door, and hesitates. What if Suga really didn’t want to see him? What if his mood is outrageous and Daichi can’t reason with him? Can they really just pretend that the other never existed? Daichi certainly didn’t think so. Still, he had to try.

He gives three knocks, and waits.

“Oikawa? I told you I'm fine, go back to work.” Suga’s nasally voice called from behind the door, and Daichi noticed the usually soft lift to his voice was replaced with sharp edges.

“It’s not Oikawa,” Daichi spoke tentatively, “It’s me, Daichi.” 

Suga stopped sniffing and Daichi stopped breathing. It seemed like this for a while, just Daichi standing outside of Suga’s door, waiting.

Suddenly, he hears feet shuffle, close, closer, and then a click. The door opens just a crack, just enough for Daichi to catch a glimpse of those caramel eyes. 

“What do you want?” It was more a statement than a question. Daichi let out his breath.

“I want to apologize, Suga. Whatever I did to hurt you, I’ll never do it again. But can we at least talk, please?”

Suga stares at him, resignation claiming his face. He slowly steps away from the door, then shuffles away from it.

“Come in.”  
Daichi steps into the apartment, and notices how immaculate it is. The white walls were decorated with pops of color and the kitchen looked clean as ever. The doors leading to individual rooms had carvings on them, giving it a rustic look that Daichi took time to admire. He sat down on a chair next to the couch. Looking over at the couch, though, he could tell Suga had been there all day. There were pillows thrown everywhere, open ice cream on the coffee table, and crumbs littered the cushions. Suga sat in the middle of all that chaos, blanket wrapped around his shoulders and red eyed with deep dark circles. He looked awful.

“Oikawa keeps the house tidy when I'm in one of my moods.” Suga explained, and Daichi nodded in understanding. “My messiness didn’t scare you off?”

“Why would it? Everyone’s messy sometimes.” Daichi replies slowly, slightly concerned at Suga’s previous question.

“Oh. That’s not what my ex said.” Suga slurs a bit, and Daichi’s face scrunches in confusion. It was then he noticed just how flushed Suga looked, how droopy his eyes were. His eyes searched the apartment for what would confirm his suspicions, and they found it when they landed on a wine bottle he must have missed coming in. 

“Suga, are you drunk?” 

“What? Noooo,” Suga laughed with no humour behind it. “Tipsy, maybe, but the end goal is to get drunk. I want to wash all this sadness away, throw it back up, and wash it down again.”

“Suga, you should really stop.” Daichi reaches for the wine bottle on the coffee table, but Suga snatches it away before he could. He glares at him, like the bottle’s his life force, and takes a swig. Daichi sighs.

“My ex told me that too, but the bastard was a hypocrite because he got drunk every other day!” Suga laughs that humorless laugh, face palming himself in hysteria. 

“Do you mind telling me? About your ex, I mean.” Daichi asked tentatively, giving Suga an out, but he really wanted to know what was going on. 

“Oh, that bastard? Sure.” Suga starts, sitting up on the couch like he was about to tell the most interesting story ever heard. And interesting, it was.

\--------------

Suga and Atsumu met in their college years. As a freshman, Atsumu immediately caught Suga’s attention. He was smart, handsome, strong, and everything that would make him anyone’s heartthrob. And heart throb he was. He had his own fan club, his own group of girls and boys that worshiped the ground he walked on. Suga probably would have done that too, but he had more self respect than that. Either way, Atsumu noticed that Suga didn’t follow him around like a parade. Atsumu approached him, and the two hit it off. As juniors, Suga asked him out, and Atsumu said yes.

They moved in together in a small apartment, after college, and started to go to work. Suga found a job at the aviary, where he met Oikawa. Atsumu worked as a finance accountant. They were happy, really happy, and life was good. 

Months after they moved in together, though, Atsumu took up drinking. It was fine, at first, because everyone had drinks every once in a while. But Atsumu drank every other day, particularly on days when he was overworked and tired. Suga would always be home earlier, and try to comfort Atsumu. He’d wrap his arms around him and tell him how much he loved and appreciated him. Atsumu didn’t believe it. Atsumu would call him a liar, and then isolate himself in their room. The next morning, though, all would be forgiven, he’d peck Suga on the cheek, and go to work.

Suga was sure Atsumu loved him, but he couldn’t help but feel alone in those moments.

A year after they started living together, Atsumu proposed to Suga. It seemed impromptu, at the park they were passing when Suga was dragging him home from the bar, but he had that conviction and determination in his eyes when he really wanted something- so it was romantic to Suga nonetheless.

He was excited. He had something to look forward to, now. Atsumu had gotten him a ring later, since he didn’t have one when he drunk-proposed to Suga. It was a simple gold band and Suga loved it. He didn’t need fancy to be happy. He planned the wedding with a renewed vigor, asking Oikawa to be his best man and help out with all the details. 

It was funny, Oikawa never liked Atsumu. He always took him at face value. He warned Suga many a time- but Suga always waved it off in denial- and Oikawa relented because if Suga was happy, he was. 

They planned for weeks. He made decisions, but he always felt like he was doing it alone, like only he was the one shaking in anticipation. Atsumu would come home drunk most days now, and whenever Suga asked about the colors, or the lighting or even the venue, he’d just wave his hand and say, impassively, “Whatever you’d like, dear.”

Some days, Atsumu would lash out. He’d get fed up over something Suga had done, and yell at him for it. He yelled at him when dinner wasn’t warm. He yelled when Suga was feeling particularly down and didn’t clean up after himself. He yelled when he came home and found Suga drinking. They’d have violent arguments then. He yelled when Suga did nothing at all, sometimes he just yelled.

Suga wanted to believe so badly that his Atsumu was still there, the one he fell in love with, the one that would give him chocolate after math class and gave him flowers at the apartment. 

Hope is a strong thing. Suga was ready to ignore all the signs if it meant he could achieve the life he always hoped he could live with Atsumu. 

It never came.

_“I’m breaking up with you, Koushi.” Atsumu slurred, tenitavely, over dinner. He smelled of strong alcohol. Suga also smelled… perfume?_

_“Wh- what?” Suga’s voice wavered, his heart shattering at the words, but keeping his resolve in case he heard Atsumu wrong. “Is this the alcohol talking?”_

_“No, Koushi. This is me. I’m saying I’m tired of this. Of us.” Atsumu stared at him, no room for argument. Like hell Suga wasn't going to argue. Suga chuckles, then laughs, a full outburst and Atsumu’s face contorts into rage._

_“That’s hilarious, Atsumu. You’re breaking up with me because you're tired? After all the bullshit I dealt with from you?”_

_Atsumu says nothing._

_“I planned our fucking wedding alone, Atsumu! You owe it to me to stick this out.” Suga barks, consumed by fury. He stands up from the table, challenging Atsumu. Atsumu took the bait._

_“I don’t owe you anything, Koushi! You're the one running around here, so eager to take the next step, ever consider how I feel?”_

_“I shouldn’t have to, idiot, you should have talked to me! That's what we’re supposed to do here!” Suga yelled, feeling the tears threatening his eyes. Atsumu comes around the table and Suga wants to run, but his feet stay put. He grabs Suga by the collar, drawing him close to his face. Suga wished he could kiss him._

_“Listen to me. I have put up with you, and your silly games for way too long. You’re messy, inconsiderate, selfish, and fickle. You’re a disaster, and I’m just trying to get out before the rubble collapses.”_

_Atsumu lets go of Suga’s shirt, leaving him to collapse on the floor in a heap of tears. Suga sobs, hopeless and scared and broken. Atsumu stares at him._

_“Please,” Suga’s voice is wobbling and unstable and everything Suga hates about it. “Stay with me. This relationship isn’t perfect but we can make it work, I promise Atsumu, we’ll make it work like we always have. You're everything to me, I love you.”_

_Atsumu just keeps staring. Suga feels bile rise at his throat._

_“Did you ever love me?”_

_“Once upon a time, I think I did. But now? No. This is better for the both of us. Goodbye, Koushi. I hope I never see you again.”_

_Atsumu walked out the door, and just like he said, he never came back._

\-------------

“He never hit me. It was the things he said that hurt the most, yet I still loved him. I loved him a whole awful lot- cause I thought no matter what we’d always have each other.” 

Suga was sobbing, now, and Daichi had no idea what to say, or even how to begin to comfort. He shifted in his chair, the cushions suddenly becoming concrete. He lets out a sign, steels himself, and gets up from the chair. He grabs the bottle from Suga’s grasp, but not without a petulant whine. He sets the bottle down and puts an arm on Suga’s shoulder. He flinched, but didn’t move away. 

“How long ago was this?”

“Two months and a half before you crash landed into my life.” Suga smiles, but it was barely there. 

“God, I’m so sorry, Suga, that’s why you were so hesitant with me. If I had known, I would have never-” 

Suga holds up his hand, and turns to Daichi. “Don’t. I know you wouldn’t have. You’re a nice dude, Daichi, and I'm sorry for lashing out at you when it wasn’t your fault. But if you're looking for a relationship with me… I can’t. Not right now.”

“I know, Suga. I understand.” Daichi opens his arms, and Suga situates himself on his chest. Daichi leans back into the couch pillows, and they stay like that in silence for a while, Suga’s occasional sniffles filling the room.

“What you said, about we can’t be friends anymore, did you mean that?” Suga flinched, and looked up at Daichi. 

“I said I couldn’t think of you as a friend anymore, and that's partially true. I like you Daichi, I do, but as you previously heard, I’m not ready. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just don’t trust myself.”

“You don’t have to trust me, or anyone if you don’t want to. If you want me to walk out your life and never come back, I will. But I’ll say this. You’ve helped me in more ways than one, and you’ve made my life brighter. I would like to figure out a way to make this friendship work, if that’s alright with you. I’m willing to wait. I’ll wait as long as you need, Suga.” 

“I think I want to make this work, too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi nodded vigorously, not even caring how desperate he looked, and Suga scooted over and took Daichi into his arms. Suga drew patterns into his arms, whispering softly that it wasn’t his fault. Logic told him Suga was right. His heart, however, did not. That was a topic for another day, though. For now, he’ll just settle himself in Suga’s arms and pretend, for just a moment, that everything is okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!!! PLEASE NOTE!!!!  
> there is a PTSD panic attack in this chapter, starting at "He sits up, breath erratic, trying to contain the abundance of emotion that he just felt." and ends at "Suga cradles him, and it takes him a moment to realize where he’s at."  
> Please read at your own discretion and stay safe!! I love you!

Suga and Daichi fall into a routine. Daichi walks to the Aviary to see Suga on his lunch break. They talk, keeping a comfortable distance. He walks Suga back to the Aviary, bids him goodbye, and texts him later. It’s something that allows Suga time to think about everything, while they can still get closer and see each other. Suga had asked many times if the routine had become a burden, but Daichi just kept telling him the same thing he told him at the apartment: 

_“I’m willing to wait. I’ll wait as long as you need, Suga.”_

So now, here they are, a week after their compromise. They’re sitting at the local ramen shop, Suga looking much better than he had when he broke down on the couch. He’s glowing, now, openly chatting about birds gone wild and Oikawa falling on his ass. As amusing of a story as it is, Daichi can’t stop focusing on how gorgeous Suga looks, Aviary staff shirt be damned.

“Hey Suga?” Daichi asks, after taking a bite of Shoyu ramen. “What happened to Kiko? I haven’t seen him lately.” 

Suga looked down. “He was released two weeks ago.” 

Daichi’s lips formed an “O” but the sound never came out his mouth. It was strange, feeling sad over a bird he never even properly got close to. But Kiko’s presence was just as sure as Suga’s, something he could look for among the trees and always spot.

“Damn.” Was all Daichi could say. Once again, he reminded himself that _he didn’t even like birds._

“He’s going back to America, where he should be placed in one of their reserves. He’ll be happy there. I’m glad I got to see him grow up.” Suga reminisced, and Daichi laughed. 

“What are you, the momma bird?” Daichi jokes, and Suga swats at him. 

“Don’t judge me, I like thinking of them as my babies.”

“Hey, no judging here. I find it cu- endearing.” Daichi falters. He’s trying hard to stay away from words that could imply his desire for Suga, as to not make the other man uncomfortable. Suga’s eyes flash with gratitude, and a simple blush claims the silver-haired man’s cheeks. 

“I know this is a lot, and I’m asking a lot from you, but I really appreciate you, Daichi. I really, really do.” 

Daichi just smiles, and gulps the rest of his Ramen broth. It didn’t matter if he stayed friends with him for the rest of their lives. Daichi could live with that. He just didn’t want to be away from Suga. And when Suga grabbed his hand and brushed their thumbs, He knew Suga felt that way too. 

\----------------

Ever since Suga and Daichi made amends, Daichi’s nightmares have become tame again.

But tonight, something was wrong.

Daichi noticed when his dream started off sugary sweet. Suga, caressing Daichi’s head in his lap and murmuring sweet nothings above him. Asahi, scolding Noya for something off in the distance. Oikawa, blabbering about something that happened at work. It was too pleasant. 

It’s then Daichi notices they’re in a field. Noya is chasing Asahi and Oikawa is now laughing at them. Oikawa then starts coughing, and butterflies start to come out his throat. It’s cool at first, mesmerising and Oikawa looks amused. But they kept coming, Faster, faster, until the butterflies ripped his jaw and unhinged it, causing a flurry of them to storm through. Oikawa disappears but the butterflies remain. They attack Asahi and Noya, swarming them like angry bees. The last thing Daichi sees of them is Asahi cradling a barely breathing Noya, sobbing, and then they're gone. 

He looks up at Suga, to make sure he’s still there. But he’s gone. Instead, it’s his mother. His mother, with her dark brown and gray hair and deep green eyes. His mother, with her soft spoken words and even softer smile. His mother, with blood pouring out her temple and onto Daichi’s forehead. 

Daichi sits up, screams, but the sound is stuck in his throat. He turns to face his mother, and she smiles at him.

_This is your fault._

She doesn’t say that, but Daichi hears it anyway. He stands up, backing away shaking his head.

It’s not my fault. _It’s not my fault._

The words don't come out his mouth. He watches in horror as his mom turns into hundreds, upon thousands of blue jays, and they fly up into the air, frantic and scared. He reaches out to touch them, and then the oh-so familiar scene surrounds him. 

_He knows this part, no matter what his nightmares had begun with, this had always been the ending. He doesn’t want to, he knows what will be there, but a force makes his legs take tentative strides towards the car._

He reaches the window, just like he’s done in dreams past, and braces for the worst. It’s not just his mother. It’s not just Suga. It’s all of them. Asahi and Noya and Oikawa too, twisted faces that said so much by saying nothing at all. 

\--------

He sits up, breath erratic, trying to contain the abundance of emotion that he just felt. The overwhelming pain and guilt and utter sorrow that came with witnessing that dream. He remembers he’s in his bed, but that doesn’t seem to work to calm down his nerves. He needs something- someone- to anchor him down. He stumbles out of bed, feeling like he’s going to puke. He tries to will the caving feeling in his stomach to go away. 

“Asahi!” He calls, desperate. _Oh wait._ Asahi and Noya had a date night that night. Shit. He tried to think back to their conversation before they left, trying to think of the instructions Asahi had given. 

_“Are you sure you're going to be okay alone?” Asahi asks, straightening his tie. Nishinoya was at a friend's house, getting ready for the night. “I’m sure Yuu won’t mind. He understands. Or I could call Kuroo, If you’d like?”_

_“No, The last thing I want is to interrupt your date night. You and Noya have been planning this for months. I can’t take that away from you. And please don’t call that asshat Kuroo. I’ll be fine, Asahi, I promise.”_

_“Alright, but call me or Kiyoko-san if you have an attack. Your Prazosin is on the counter, I know you hate taking it, but it’s for your own good, okay?”_

_Daichi nodded and rolled his eyes. “Yes mom.”_

_Asahi glared at him, but went over and hugged Daichi nonetheless. He checked himself in the mirror one more time, and then he was gone._

Daichi’s eyes were getting watery now, his head spinning. Panic attacks were nothing new to him, but he still felt awful all the same. Everywhere he turned, he could see her face. He reaches out for his phone, which he spies on the bedroom table. His hands are shaking, making it hard to dial Kiyoko’s number. He had thought about calling Asahi, but he really didn’t want to be a burden on date night. 

“Hello. You have reached the phone of Shimizu Kiyoko. I am not available at this time, but please leave your phone number so I can give you a call back.”

“Shit!” He tried his phone again- he almost couldn’t grasp the phone but miraculously, he did. He held down the home button, and asked for the next person his mind could conjure up.

“P-phone, c-call Suga.” 

_“Calling Sugawara”_

Daichi feels his heart clench. He feels helpless, so helpless, with the panic arising in his heart, making his walls cave in. His breathing gets more erratic, as he stumbles out to the kitchen, remembering the Prazosin on the counter. His eyesight gets blurry but he makes it to the counter, slamming down his phone and popping open the cap. He takes the pill, fisting his shirt, trying to make his heart slow down. The walls warp into faces, He looks and sees his twisted mother in every painting on their wall. Daichi’s wheezing in fits now, on the floor, crumpled, feeling like the pressure of the world is dropped on him. 

_“This is your fault”_

_“You did this to me.”_

_“You’re never going to see me again.”_

They create a ringing in his ears, high pitched and awful, and he seems to cease breathing. Horror and dread fill his mind as he is reminded of awful things, things he never wanted to come back to him. He screams. He yells and he cries and he protests the voices that are clawing within him.

“Daichi! DAICHI!” 

Suga cradles him, and it takes him a moment to realize where he’s at. His heartbeat had slowed, thanks to the medicine, and he peers up at Suga, ready to find a twisted face. Instead it’s normal Suga, with the caramel eyes and pretty mole. Daichi breathes out in relief, but is still too terrified to say anything. He feels something wet and hot roll down his forehead, and his face turns confused when he finds Suga crying above him. 

“Oh god, Daichi, I was so scared.” Suga breathes, harsh and slow, keeping an iron grip on Daichi. “Y-you called, and I answered, b-but all I h-eard was hyperventilating, and I j-just, I knew you were having an attack because I’ve had my fair share, I-I was so scared, Oh god.” Suga murmured more to himself than Daichi. 

Still in shock, Daichi just sat there, focusing on Suga’s mole to calm himself down. 

\--------------

Suga came around the couch, with two mugs of piping hot tea in his hands. He gave one to Daichi, who was wrapped up in blankets on the couch, trembling but considerably more calm. Suga sat beside him, giving him a cushion's worth of distance Daichi was grateful for. 

“I’m sorry, Daichi.” Suga starts, the first words spoken since Suga had found him. “I called Asahi, he’s coming home but he and Noya are stuck in traffic.”

Daichi remained silent, but nodded at Suga in gratitude. His mind was still racing from his hellish nightmare. 

“Do you need anything? More meds? Did you already take them? I saw the Prazosin…” Suga rambled, and Daichi shook his head. Daichi’s head hurt, but he was glad air finally got back into his lungs. His mother’s face still lingered in his mind, and he remembered a conversation he had with Kiyoko. 

_“Don’t be afraid to talk with others, Daichi. You’re not a burden, and you can’t do this alone. If you voice your feelings, it will help you.”_

“I think I owe you an explanation.” Daichi spoke tenitavely, his voice wavering but eyes steady on Suga. Suga went through all the trouble of getting here, he at least deserved to know why. Suga had told Daichi his story, and though he was willing to wait, he thinks it’s about time he told his. He’d have to know sooner or later what Daichi was struggling with anyway- no matter how much it pained him, he still wanted to give Suga an out. He’d understand if Suga didn’t want to deal with him anymore. 

“You don’t owe me anything-”

“Listen.” Daichi cut him off, determined to reveal the truth. He concealed his shaky hands, let out a breath, and told his past.

\------

It had been a normal Saturday morning. As usual, 21 year old Daichi drove to the countryside to see his mother, who had been delighted that her grown son still wanted to be around her. He had always been quite close with his mother, his dad’s departure and his lack of siblings bonded the two together. He really couldn’t imagine life without her, and knows full and well all she’s sacrificed to give him a good life.

He had arrived, and was bombarded with the usual rounds of questions: _do you have a boyfriend yet? How are classes? How’s your roommate, Kuroo, doing? When’s he going to come over, you know I like him._

He’d just roll his eyes at his mother’s weird adoration of Kuroo, considering she didn’t know his true nature, the smug bastard.

But he did have a valid answer for one of those questions. He had just started dating Terushima, around 6 months ago. Their relationship was weird, and a little wild at times, but Daichi really liked him. 

He had his mother, his boyfriend, and his asshole best friend, and he was happy. 

He “surprised” his mother with movie tickets, to see some weird American movie she’d been talking about for weeks. She claimed she would go herself, but she kept dropping hints that she wanted Daichi to take her. Never one to say no to his mother, he purchased the tickets.

That was his first mistake. 

Daichi climbed into his old Toyota Camry, waiting for his mother to get out the small house so they could leave. His mother walked out, practically glowing, the wrinkles in her face emphasising her excitement. He loved seeing his mother like that. She came around to the drivers side, beaming with a mischievous glint in her eye. She asked Daichi if she could drive the Camry. Daichi opposed, knowing his mother’s old age and didn’t want her to do more than she had to. He knew that she drove herself to church and the supermarket all the time, but Daichi still felt apprehensive. After a teasing jab about Daichi insulting her age, he relented. It made her happy, and she was his mother, after all.

That was his second mistake. 

They were cruising down the road, at a speed a little faster than Daichi would expect out of her, and she smiled when Daichi voiced this opinion. _Insulting my age again, boy?_ Daichi laughed at her remark, and went back to browsing his phone, looking at the information about the movie. He doesn’t know why he didn’t look at it before, but now he realizes he should have brought a blanket so he could sleep through it. He turned to his mother, voicing his low opinion of the trailer and her growing crush on Leonardo DiCaprio. They got into a passionate argument on which Leo movie was better, Titanic (her favorite movie) or The Wolf of Wall Street (not his favorite, but he liked it well enough).

That was his third mistake.

The next events seem to happen in slow motion. Daichi turns, just as his mother was making a point about Jack and Rose, to see a deer in the middle of the road. Daichi yells, and his mother turns her head in time to swerve out of the way. Unfortunately, she couldn’t swerve back. They spin off the elevated road, and Daichi can't look anywhere but at the thick forest down below, approaching fast. His heart leaps into his throat, panicked, frozen. The way the angle of the car was going, it was destined to hit his side of the car, amputating and possibly killing him. His mother seems to catch on to this, much earlier than he does, and pulls the steering wheel hard to change the trajectory of the car. The car swerves, and he looks over to see her white knuckles gripping the steering wheel. Daichi remained frozen, a crippling dread arose in his stomach when he realized what his mother just did. Her eyes held the fear of a woman who saw death staring her in the face. They also held the acceptance of a mother who would do anything for her son to live, even if that meant death for herself. But the most harrowing of all was her voice. It is something Daichi would never forget. It was smooth, calm as it had always been, like she had all the time in the world when she spoke these words: 

_“I love you, Daichi.”_

The entire thing happened in 10-15 seconds max, but it was the longest Daichi had ever felt suspended in time. At least, until the world went dark. 

When he woke up, two strangers were crowded around him, one calling 119 and the other speaking to him softly. He looked at the one speaking, and groaned when he felt shooting pain in his abdomen, and all over, really. He was dazed, and his head felt foggy. But the few seconds of ignorant bliss were all he had before the memories came crashing back to him full force. He sits up, ignoring the worried instructions of the stranger. His throat burns, and his knuckles sting with cuts and scrapes, but none of that matters. The only thing that mattered was getting to his mother. He stood up, running on nothing but adrenaline, and dashed to the car while the strangers yelled at him. He was surprised he could even walk. He stumbled, the pain growing, but he pushed through. His stomach dropped when he saw the sight before him. His Camry, the hood crumpled like it was nothing but a piece of paper, smoke rising from the front and the lights blinking on and off in protest. His mouth opens, but it runs dry, refusing to let out sounds. He raced to the other side of the car. Approaching the driver’s side, he prayed to every deity out there, _hoping,_ that his mother was safe. That’s when he saw her. 

The twisted face that will haunt his nightmares, that will consume him with guilt and grief. 

Daichi _howls,_ and this time, he can hear it. 

\----------- 

“Terushima tried his best to comfort me, but I wouldn’t let myself be comforted. I just pushed him away, and our relationship ended in a nasty argument. Kuroo and I grew apart- we somehow got a job together at the same station but our relationship never fully repaired. My world shattered, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I was tearing myself apart every night… it was Asahi who suggested I seek help after one especially bad attack I had, when we first started living together. I felt like such a burden, and I honestly still do. I’m much better than I was before, but… I miss her so much.” 

Suga sat there, speechless. Daichi didn’t blame him. He wiped away at the tears that rolled down his cheek. 

“Oh, Daichi.” Suga finally croaked, and reached out a hand, and Daichi stared at it. “Can I hug you?" 

Daichi nodded vigorously, not even caring how desperate he looked, and Suga scooted over and took Daichi into his arms. Suga drew patterns into his arms, whispering softly that it wasn’t his fault. Logic told him Suga was right. His heart, however, did not. That was a topic for another day, though. For now, he’ll just settle himself in Suga’s arms and pretend, for just a moment, that everything is okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the second to last chapter, I'll probably update a day or two from now. Thank you for the support!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi remembered all the dreams and nightmares where blue jays had played a role, and no matter how much he wracked his mind he couldn’t figure out why. Now here they were, around Suga like they had always seemed to be. He wondered if fate was actually real. It sure felt like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Slaymin, I love you, you are so sweet and have supported me through this <3 MUAH MUAH

Turns out, Daichi didn’t have to pretend. 

He and Suga got closer after that night, and understood each other more than they could imagine. Suga accepted Daichi, helping him out when his nightmares got bad, or he felt too anxious. Daichi continued to keep his distance, letting Suga be the one to take the next step.

For the first time in a long while, Daichi felt like everything really was going to be okay.

So, there they were two months later, heading towards the Tokyo Police Station hand in hand. Oikawa walked beside them, complaining about being the third wheel. It was important to Suga that Oikawa liked Daichi, considering his past, and thankfully, Daichi was Oikawa approved. 

“Suga-chan, you and Dai-chan can’t be all cute when my single ass is right here.” 

“Of course we can, Oikawa,” Suga beamed, and Oikawa huffed something along the lines of _‘you two aren’t even dating.’_

It’s true, nothing had been made official yet, but they were both well aware of their feelings towards each other. Suga had begun to feel more comfortable doing couple-like things with him, and even started flirting with him more openly- though Daichi was sure part of the reason was to just make him flustered. 

When Oikawa skipped ahead of them, Daichi wondered how that absolute man-child had actually intimidated him. He couldn’t believe it. 

He looked over at a smiling Suga, who swung their hands back and forth. Their palms fit against each other the way Daichi always thought they would, and it was perfect. Suga was perfect.

Oikawa swung open the police door just as Daichi and Suga approached the steps. The brunette held the door for them, a smug look on his face. Both Daichi and Suga rolled their eyes. Daichi almost facepalmed, though, when he saw Kuroo checking out Oikawa. Suga watched them interact with sly intrigue, but Daichi just cringed due to the second hand embarrassment.

“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.” Kuroo’s flirtatious voice darted. Oikawa smirked. 

“The cat has some fine taste if he brought me in,” Oikawa sings, playfulness clear in his voice. “But the cat clearly missed the mark with you.” 

Kuroo scoffed petulantly, and Oikawa giggled. He turned to Daichi with the most smug expression he’s ever seen. “You told me there were going to be hot guys, Dai-chan. Where are they?”

Kuroo scowled. “I’m right here.”

Oikawa laughed at that, like it was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard. “With that bed-head? As if.”

“Hey, how about you not insult my forensic scientist.” Another voice came up behind them, and Daichi smirked. Police captain Iwaizumi Hajime was not someone to mess around with, and other’s messing with his team was something he had zero tolerance for. Oikawa froze, but something told Daichi it wasn’t out of fear. 

“I wasn’t insulting, just pointing out the obvious.” A _hey!_ Came from Kuroo, but Oikawa didn’t even spare him a glance. “But you, you’re definitely what I was looking for.”

Iwaizumi’s ears turn red, and Daichi bursts out laughing. Seeing their usual level headed and unmovable captain shaken by a compliment was the most hilarious thing. It didn’t fit him at all. Suga laughed with him- and though they hadn’t met before, Suga could take a guess at why Daichi found it funny. Then Iwaizumi whacked Oikawa on the head, and the duo doubled over, ribs hurting. When they finally got themselves together, they introduced themselves.

“I’m Sugawara Koushi, Daichi’s friend.” Suga started, bowing. Iwaizumi eyed their hands, still clasped together, but didn’t say anything. Daichi always admired him for being able to read a room.

“I’m Oikawa Tooru, but you can call me hot stuff.” Oikawa winked at him, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

“I most definitely will not be doing that. Iwaizumi Hajime.” 

“Kuroo Tetsurou, and I am not ugly, that's for sure.” Kuroo pinned a nasty look at Oikawa, and Oikawa just snickered. Daichi just knew that they were a disaster waiting to happen. 

They all were, really. 

\---------

“I swear to god, Yuu, if you don’t put that down-” Asahi’s voice called from across the table, and Daichi turned to it, Noya hiosted a chair above his head, yelling something incoherent. Oikawa was laughing both at them and at something Kuroo had said, the two becoming thick as thieves since their initial conversation- only after Kuroo made Oikawa admit that he was hot. Iwaizumi was next to him, pinching the bridge of his nose, irritation clear on his face. Daichi felt sympathetic- he had been the one to drag him into this friend group after all. But Daichi also didn’t miss the tentative looks he gave Oikawa, and the blush on his cheeks when he got caught and the latter blew him a kiss. Daichi looked to his other side, and there was Suga, laughing hysterically at Noya. 

Suga’s hair changed colors under the colored lights, his face illuminated with different shades, making him look almost elusive, his beauty ethereal. Daichi knew he wasn’t, but just to make sure, he reached for Suga’s hand. When the latter turned around asking what was wrong, Daichi just stared, so incredibly lucky that this man, this _angel,_ was real- he was there, and Daichi hoped that he wasn’t going anytime soon.

It was nearing 4 am, and the group of friends' night on the town was coming to an end. Asahi, the poor, poor man- was the designated driver for Noya, Kuroo, Oikawa and Iwaizumi who had drunk much more than four grown men should. Daichi was surprised at Iwaizumi’s recklessness, but took back the surprise when he learned Oikawa had challenged him. Iwaizumi was never one to back down from a dare. His friends pile into Asahi’s car, Asahi trying his best to wrestle Noya into a seatbelt. Kuroo was singing, though the words were hard to understand, and Oikawa’s arm draped around Iwaizumi. Daichi smiled at the way his captain leaned into the touch. The car soon sped off, leaving Suga and Daichi standing outside of the venue.

“Why didn’t you go home with Asahi?” Suga asked tentatively, and Daichi smiled when he laced their hands.

“I’m still hesitant about riding in cars,” Daichi replied simply, and Suga nodded in understanding. “Why didn’t you?”

“Well, you weren’t going, and I wanted to be with you.” Suga blushed, gripping his hand tighter. Neither of them drank much that night, so they were perfectly fine with taking the train back home without the risk of getting motion sick. “Plus, I wanted to do something.”

Daichi stared at him curiously, trying to find what Suga was planning in his eyes. All he saw was the moon, full and clear and beautiful in the way that it illuminated his irises. Daichi’s heart swelled. 

They walked to the train station, caught the last train to where they lived, and slumped against each other on the seats. They were exhausted, but their hearts were so full.

\-----------------

“Suga, it’s literally 5 am right now. Why are you parading me around Tokyo?”

“Maybe if you stop oogling me, you’d realize where we are.” Suga quipped back, giggling.

Daichi was guilty as charged. How could he not when someone so captivating was making their way down the abandoned streets? Well, mostly abandoned, except for miserable businessmen who had to be up at the ass-crack of dawn. Suga tugged at Daichi’s hand, a sign to move faster, and Daichi complied. The sooner he saw Suga’s surprise, the sooner they could go to bed. 

“How do you still have energy?”

“I napped on the train!”

Suga pulled around a corner, and Daichi was finally starting to realize where they were. The same huge, see-through dome that had become as much of a home to him as his apartment. He could already see the leafy plants from the outside, a smile giddy on his face.

“Suga, isn’t the Aviary closed now?”

Suga winked at him. “I have clearance for nights because I forget my bag here a lot.” 

Daichi didn’t think that was a good thing, but he didn’t press. They slipped around to the back, and into the door he and Suga ran out of when they encountered Aone. Daichi chuckled at the memory. It was so immature. He had forgotten what it was like to set himself loose, and not for the first time was he being reminded that Suga was the reason he finally let himself go. He couldn’t be more grateful.

Suga led him down the corridors, familiarity hitting Daichi like a wave. Aone had warmed up to him, so he let Daichi in the back to see Suga more often. He glanced at his desk, where he saw a mug he had bought for Suga perching above his filing cabinet. He smiled. He looked over at Oikawa’s desk, where Suga and him spent more time than not teasing the poor man. Well, it was mostly Suga, but Daichi liked to watch him make Oikawa pout good-naturedly. He could almost hear the _“see what I have to deal with, Dai-chan?”_ He will always admire Suga for his clever insults.

They finally reached the big red door, and when they breached it, Daichi looked back to see the _Employees Only_ sign he had defied for so many months. 

“Wanna hear something, Daichi? Sometimes, when I feel extra lonely, I’ll sneak in here at night.” Suga looked back at him touching some of the leaves gingerly. Daichi could see why. This place is beautiful, and it’s beauty is only heightened at night. The moon filtered through the window panes, casting a soft glow on everything in the Aviary. He could see shadows flitting around, dashing from tree to tree, playing games amongst themselves. It was quiet, sans the river stream that rushed through the left side of the aviary, but that just added to the calmness of the place. Daichi thought about how Kiyoko had recommended finding a place that brought him peace, where he could go if he got in his head too much. Daichi remembered thinking that the Aviary was probably the best place to find that. He didn’t know how right he was.

“So why’d you bring me here?” Daichi asked, as Suga kept walking towards the right side of the aviary.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, now would it?” Suga chuckled and Daichi huffed, following him till they got to this big metal box. 

“An elevator?” 

Suga just winked, and pressed the button on the side. Daichi could guess where they were going. The suspended walkways were always something he’d like to look at from down below, watching people above awe at the birds, but he’d never been up there himself. 

The doors open, and they step inside. The bright lights of the elevator took some getting used to, and when he did, Daichi saw just how tired Suga looked. His eye bags were dark on his pale skin, his mouth pressed into a thin line of smiling exhaustion. His hair looked disheveled from the nap on the train ride, and his shoulders hunched over so much he looked like he could fall. But despite his appearance, Suga was shaking in anticipation. His eyes were wide as ever, eyeing Daici with an amused look and once again Daichi was drawn to the small mole underneath. 

The doors opened again, and they stepped out onto a wide platform. Daichi walked up to the rail, and his heart stuttered at just how far away they were from the ground. He turned to Suga, who beamed with pride. Just to the right of him, there were 3 thinner walkways that extended out over the Aviary. Suga chose the middle one, and started strolling down the path. Daichi followed, gripping the rail even though he knew how sturdy it was. He marveled at his surroundings. He was up among the trees, where the birds were. He saw them play their little games, but even clearer now. He could see their feathers ruffling and hear their squeaks more closely. He could see their beady black eyes, some twinking with intrigue and some with impassiveness. He took a tentative look down, and spotted the roped path to the back door he followed so often. Here he could see the other side of the aviary, and admired how the river glistened below him. It was spectacular.

Then he ran into Suga, and he almost let out a yelp. Suga snickered quietly, then pushed a finger to his lips, a sign to stay quiet for the birds.

“You scared the shit out of me,” Daichi whispered, and Suga gave a silent laugh. They stand there, watching the birds, noticing the lightened colors of the sky. The sun would be rising soon. He pulled out his phone, and gawked at the time.

“Come on Suga, it’s nearly 6. We’ve got to go home!” Daichi whispered, and took Suga’s hand so he could lead them away.

“No Daichi, just wait! Wait until the sun comes up, please.” 

How could Daichi say no to eyes like that? They stayed a little longer, Daichi's eyelids getting heavier each minute that passed. He was going to have a killer headache later. The sun was peeking over the horizon, now, filling the Aviary with light the moon once provided. Suga hit his arm rather hard, and Daichi once again asked how he was not passed out right then. Suga just shushed him, and pointed to a branch of a huge tree, where beady eyes pierced them. He noticed their signature blue feathers and crowned heads.

“ _Cyanocitta cristata,_ or Blue Jays. These five were just transferred here last week, and I just had to show you them. Aren't they beautiful?” 

Daichi remembered all the dreams and nightmares where blue jays had played a role, and no matter how much he wracked his mind he couldn’t figure out why. Now here they were, around Suga like they had always seemed to be. He wondered if fate was actually real. It sure felt like it. 

“They’re amazing, Suga.” Daichi meant it, too. He had become a bit of a bird enthusiast as well, all thanks to Suga, and he now knows to appreciate the beauty in these creatures. 

_I admire them for being free, not bound to anything but their own wings._

“But you’re more amazing.” Daichi turns to him, and he touches Suga’s hand. Suga laced their fingers.

“How sappy of you, Daichi.” Suga smirked. “I bet you believe in hope now, huh?”

Daichi laughs, remembering their conversation on the bridge. His life may have not gone the way he planned it to, but he supposed he still did have hope. Afterall, he had hoped that Suga would stick with him, and there he is, right by his side. He still sees his mother sometimes, but right now she’s in Suga’s soft smile, in the leaves of the plants, in the feathers of the birds. For the first time, the memory doesn’t make him feel guilty. Instead he smiles, because he’s happy, happy that his mother’s beauty was all around him and that he got to enjoy it.

Suga squeezed his hand, and leaned closer to him. Daichi let him settle against his side, their hands laced and Suga’s cheek resting on his shoulder. Suga looks up, and once again, their faces are close and their breaths intermingle.

“I really like you, Daichi. Atsumu hurt me, really bad and you know that, but the love and regret I once felt for him are gone. They left with you, and I’m ready… I’m ready to start again, if that’s okay with you?”

Daichi stilled. He didn’t really know if this moment would have come, and he was bracing himself for when it didn’t come at all. But now it was here, and Daichi stood in a stuipdor, like a stupid teenager who just got confessed to.

Suga laughed at Daichi’s frozen form, and settled his hands on Daichi’s cheeks. He leaned closer, but Daichi got enough hold on himself to raise his hand to Suga's lips. As much as he wanted this, he needed to be assured.

“Are you sure? Because once you give me permission to fall for you, I don’t know if I could stop.” Daichi touched their noses together, patiently waiting for Suga’s response.

“Good.” 

Was all Suga said before he pressed their lips together. It was soft, sweet, and Suga’s breath tasted like peppermint. It was _everything_. Daich snuck a tentative arm around Suga’s waist, and Suga took the liberty of running his fingers through Daichi’s hair. The sensation itself sent Daichi’s stomach into a storm of butterflies. Suga leaned into him, and Daichi squeezed his side. How long they stayed like that, Daichi didn’t know, but he certainly wasn’t tired anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The series has finally come to an end!! It was SOOO fun writing this and I thought we all deserved a little friend group action with the gang, and some self-indulgent IwaOi hehe. I love you all very very much!! Thank you for Reading!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't be afraid to leave me comments, they make my day! I'd love to hear what you think!


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